You may have kids? You might not? If you do, then I want you to think about what it means to make your kids blossom in all that they do? It begins with a life with Jesus as his grace flows into every other area of their life. If you don't have kids, think about the kids might have or kids you get to hang out with via family member or friends.
I have kids. I have five, in fact (three living, one in heaven, another to be born in about three weeks). You might think this is a lot. You might think this is not enough. I think it's about right…except that I miss our little Sabrina every single day I breathe.
My other kids are a riot! Especially, when I'm driving them to school, the doctor, VBS, swimming lessons. This week I was driving with Abigail and Ethan when they started cracking up so loudly the whole car was shaking. "What," I said, "What's so funny?" Ethan responded between giggles and said, "Dad, do you remember that time when you were driving crazy and the ambulance was coming to get you?"…and they both kept laughing. Here's the trick: I have no idea what they were talking about. I do drive crazy, but I must have done something so funny that they continue to think about it even now. It's a memory for them. A good one. There are also bad ones.
these moment make up life
I get angry in the home. I loose my patience and get upset when my kids act different than I want them to (which is pretty much every fifteen minutes). I've been reading a lot of leadership books and taking personality tests. Pretty much everything I read about my personality says something like this: "your personality tends to have an angry side." Hmmm, I think, well that sucks! My point, is simply that we have many good moments and some not so good moments in our home; but, it's these movements that make up the life that will carry my kids into the world. These moments are incredible important; they need to be centered around Jesus.
teach them diligently
There's this beautiful passage in the book of Deuteronomy where Moses tells the people they are to honor God with all of their life, in all their endeavors, as they participate in every aspect of business, home, and culture. In the middle of this passage he says of our kids: "You shall teach them (the commandments of God) diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise (6:7)." This means that the obedience passage I've been talking about in Exodus is something we are to teach our kids every waking day they exist. In fact, I would argue we are to teach them to obey in a way that carries with them for the rest of their life.
a growth mindset
In the book Switch the authors Chip and Dan Heath talk about a fixed mindset vs a growth mindset. A fixed mindset is when accomplishing something is more important than the process of getting there (e.g. you're a great basketball player). The problem is that getting there is hard, sometimes not possible, and even when we do find success it usually comes with a whole new set of baggage which we didn't expect. A growth mentality is where we teach our kids to learn to love the process (e.g. you're great at working hard at basketball); to learn to learn; in turn, giving them the tools to continue growing for the rest of their journey to God. We are to teach them not just to be a good Christian, but how to follow Jesus every day of their lives; and how to nurture a relationship with him that grows deeper and deeper as they grow older.
if we've done our job adequately
In Kimmel's book Grace Centered Parenting he argues we do this by understanding and answering our kids three basic needs: security, significance, and strength. We find a way to parent them so that they find these needs fill by God and learn to trust him in the areas of all three. Jesus gives them, "love, purpose, and hope. If we've done our job adequately, our children should leave our homes with a love that is secure, a purpose that is significant, and a hope that is strong."
grow them to obey | Exodus 19:4-6
Now this is the ultimate vision, a high bar. If you're like me some days you hit it; other days you swing and swing hitting only air. I love my kids and I want them to flourish every day they live on this earth. I want them to love Jesus. I want them to carry their weighty hearts to him and let him cherish, nurture, and grow them just like the obedience passage (Exodus 19:4-6) promises.
How do we do this? How do we create moments that will guide them to Jesus for the rest of their lives?
5 ways to help your kids flourish:
1. Slow steady parenting. We are in a marathon with our kids, not a sprint. They need slow steady parents who continue to lead them to the commandments of God, day after day after day. We are to be relentless in our dedication to their slow growth in life.
2. Learn to model Jesus in the home. As parents and influencers of our kids lives, we are to model our relationship to them. We are to read our Bibles, talk about Jesus, sing songs to Jesus, and teach them to love God by our example.
3. Openly repent of sin. "No one does good, not one (Romans 3)." What do you do when (not, if) you sin? When I get upset in our home I openly repent so my kids can see: 1) an imperfect dad who needs Jesus, and 2) a model of repentance for them to follow.
4. Walk your kids through hurt and suffering. Our kids know suffering because they've had a sister die. Even Sophia who is two says: "baby, die?" She knows. We walk our kids through suffering because it's real; and they'll need to know how to face it with God and in community instead of alone.
5. Look for moments of flourishing to explode into memories. I make my kids laugh about every 7.5 secs. It's really my favorite thing in the world to do. So when I hear my kids laughing about the "dad-drives-crazy-ambulance-chasing-us-story" I think…hmmmm by God's grace I did at least one thing right. Now how do I do that same thing over and over again?
AB.
